Set Low Expectations, and Be Surprised by the Outcome
As many of you know I recently moved from Texas to Charlotte, North Carolina for a new gig. Last night was the end of my third week here. I’ve been working a lot (to make a good impression), and spend most weekday evenings working out and advancing my own business interests.
Needless to stay I haven’t had a chance to meet very many people outside of the office. That had the potential to change when I heard about BarCamp Charlotte. I decided this would be a great event for me to attend and get to meet some people in the city with similar interests. [Side note: Something came up and I couldn’t attend Saturday’s sessions.]
I’m a relatively confident, social person, but I’m not one to go to a movie by myself or sit in a restaurant by myself very often, though I have done the latter before. The point is I spent most of the week trying to convince one of my co-workers to wonder uptown (about 30 minutes) with me for the Friday night pre-party.
They all politely declined, and by the time I got off work Friday night I had talked myself out of going uptown by myself. I told myself I needed to clean the apartment, catch up on some reading, write a blog post, etc. I convinced myself I would not meet anyone worthwhile, drinks and parking would be expensive, and I would probably get lost.
After dinner I started catching up on my reader, and then decided that chances are I wouldn’t meet anyone, it would be an awkward experience, and I would want to leave by the time I got there.
Then I told myself the alternative. I definitely wasn’t going to meet anyone sitting in my apartment on Friday night. If I met one useful person it would be worthwhile, and if I didn’t, I had only lost my time.
I ended up having a decent time and meeting some really cool people like @mattcheney who knew Jeff Widman, who will be interviewed on this blog on Monday. This only confirms my suspicion that the world is a small place and that the people trying to change it will keep turning up.
The point of this story is to reassure you that most people have doubts, a lot of people get paralyzed by fear, and it is not always easy meeting new people in a big city. One strategy is to talk yourself through those things and in doing so, set low expectations for the goals you are trying to achieve.
Then, put all the negative feelings aside and tell yourself what do you have to lose? Go to the event, write the proposal, hit the publish button. If one good thing happens as a result then it has been worth it, and you are pleasantly surprised because you set low expectations in the first place. As a result, the doubts and the fears start to subside for future endeavors. Good luck going forward.
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Hey Ryan,
In recovering from BarCamp weekend, I was chatting on IM with @cwestbrook (Chuck) telling him about the weekend, and how random it was to run into you.
Two minutes later he lets me know that you wrote about me on the blog. How cool is that? So I read the article (subscribed to your RSS) and found that your side of the story isn’t much different than my own.
I had been on a conference call for almost two hours and driving around looking for the place. Since I didn’t want to hang up, I couldn’t use Google Maps. So I drove around to the place I thought it was.
Wrong address. I finally got off the phone and got the address from an email (I’m so prepared). Brings me to Area 15. There’s no one there. I check my email, and that’s where Saturday’s event it.
It’s almost 7, and the pre-party started at 6. I’m not feeling social. I’m not meeting anyone there, and don’t know anyone who’s on the list.
I parked, had a 50 year old guy try to hustle me out of some money (first time I’ve seen professional grifters in Charlotte) and walked in the club. It’s full of folks I’ve never met.
I thought about how comfortable the couch at my house would be, and of the work I could hammer out if I headed back home.
I didn’t. And out of all the people, speeches, and ideas that occurred this weekend, running into you is the one story that stands out, and the one I’ve told to quite a few people.
How random? What are the odds? Welcome to Charlotte.
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admin Reply:
June 26th, 2009 at 11:47 pm
@Matt – It was definitely a pleasure running into someone that was rubbing shoulders with so many of the people that I respect in this space.
I’m glad we’ve had the opportunity to connect further, and I’m looking forward to keeping up with many of the projects you’re working on.
One of these days we’ll get in the car and go see Chuck!
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Great story! My personality is right in between being an extrovert and an introvert so sometimes I have to talk myself into going to networking things, but it’s always energizing and worth it. Low expectations help
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admin Reply:
June 26th, 2009 at 11:48 pm
@Rebecca – I’m a complete extrovert, but in a brand new city it can be a bit intimidating. I wish I just had one other person willing to go to the events with me I guess.
You have the kick ass Brazen Team with you!
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